Tuesday, June 25, 2019

Obey vs.Submit Writing Prompt... Not so Easy

Wilma suggested a writing prompt.  I was all in.  Been wanting to have a topic to explore.  Turned out, this one was not so easy.

What does it mean to submit? Submission is a matter of attitude, a matter of the spirit. What does it mean to obey? Obedience is a matter of the conscience, a matter of outward behavior. Submission is inward, whereas obedience is outward. – Witness Lee (The Difference Between Submission and Obedience)

First, Eric and I are of the same mind: you do you.  We do not judge anyone on their tastes, preferences, or dynamic so long as they don't press their beliefs on us.  And likewise, we do we, and we don't mind sharing our stories but not in such a manner to say we do it the right way.  We do it our way.  You do it yours.  Then, we can all learn from each other.

What does it mean to submit, what does it mean to obey?  Well, I really struggled with those two questions because I don't think I do either. I asked Eric.  He said he needed a bit to mull it over and then after looking up the definitions, came back with, "You obey more than you submit."

Suddenly, I was offended.  

"Really?!  I think I'd submit way before I'd obey.  I mean, you are not my boss nor do you own me.  You don't tell me what to do and if you did, my doing so would be me submitting, not obeying."

Eric grinned, "Somebody just got all riled up!  You obey me every time I tell you to get over my knee and if you keep that tone, young lady, I will gladly demonstrate."

I pondered it.  Everything.  Eric's "offer", my resistance to the word "obey", and my acknowledgement that yes, I do follow his direction when a spanking is involved.

"Words are important to you," Eric continued, "and based on your past, we are both very sensitive to you never feeling controlled by me or anyone else for that matter."

He's right.  I want/like/need him in an HOH kind of role for us but I am super sensitive about my independence.  I would say I obey my husband but I don't blindly obey him.  And the fact is, Eric rarely if ever gives me direction. When he does, it is either in play or because I am needing him to take the reins for awhile.

Somehow I'm feeling as though our dynamic is a disappointment to most.  We love spanking - for sexual play, for a desired reset, and once in a blue moon for discipline.  Most of the time, a punishment spanking is contrived; built out of my curiosity on how a certain implement will feel, or a bar of soap will taste, or corner time will play out.

For me, submitting is handing over my decision making and responsibilities to the man I love and married. It's my way of letting his manhood shine; the protector and provider in our family.  Obeying?  If Eric asked me to do something I would out of love and the desire to make him happy.  I'm not one to say no to him. Maybe submission is that letting go and leaning in that makes me feel like we are one and he happens to be at the front of our marriage, while obeying is more the outward action of saying, "yes, I will take care of what you want".

"Am I overthinking this?" I asked after days of haunting him with questions and conversation and pillow talk that seemed to never end.

"Whether you are or not," came his reply, "I'm going to keep doing what I'm doing. So there!" 

And SMACK, came the sweet stinging palm of his hand across my behind.

Amy

PS- I still don't know what I think about the whole obey vs. submit question.  WILMA!!!!!!  Start me off with an easier topic. ;) You've turned my brain to mush.


9 comments:

  1. Sorry! I can't really comment in depth at the moment. Sorry also that I asked you to partake and can't this week myself due to birthdays, surprise visits, graduation and a PROM! What was I thinking that I could THINK about this during this time! I promise I'll get back to you on your post and actually get to writing mine...NEXT WEEK! LOL

    willie

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  2. Hi Amy,

    Wow, what a doozy of a writing prompt Wilma chose! LoL. A very thought provoking question. To obey and to submit are not the same thing in my book. Enjoyed reading your perspective.

    Hugs
    Roz

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  3. Hi Amy ... to me there is a big difference between obey and submit ... but I do understand how it can be complicated to work out in your own mind and a challenge to write about (and that is what prompts are all about). However, in the end, you've got it right ... what counts is both of you doing doing works for you ... Hugs! ... nj

    PS ... Love the new blog look ... but just one ask for us with old eyes ... can you crank the font up a bit ... lol! ... I have to enlarge the screen to read :)) ... nj

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  4. Well, Amy, if you did not know where to start on this prompt, I am not sue how to comment on it. We all come to a relationship like this with our own baggage. Your Eric is sensitive to the things from your past that could be negative triggers even when he is at his most dominant. He will never order you to do something that is not good for you. Therefore, whether you call it obeying or submitting, you are safe and able to feel cherished.

    Obedience requires words or communication of some type from your HOH. Obeying can include words or can be silent. Submission requires no words in its purest form because it is given by you to him even when there is no directive.

    I really like this prompt, Amy. Good post!
    Hugs From Ella

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  5. Hi, Amy! Good luck figuring this one out. LOL! This submission vs. obedience stuff is one topic that for sure makes my head hurt. I cannot state with confidence the difference, but I think all definitions are subjective anyway. I do like your "you do you" and "we do us" motto though! Interesting post, and one I will think about, but probably won't discover anything noteworthy about it! I'm glad Eric is home with you though! Yay! And I did laugh that "suddenly I was offended," because we women....good grief sometimes with us! Hugs, Windy

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  6. Ouch! That is a heavy thought. Why make your brain hurt? Does what you are doing work for you? Does it make you happy? Then, that is all that matters.

    Now, if you want to ponder submission versus obeying as a purely intellectual challenge, than have at it.

    All that matters is that you are happy. Are you?

    Hugs
    Boo

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  7. Okay I got a moment to at least examine your post. Mine is still going to have to wait a few days. I took out a few of your quotes to ask you a few questions and answer a few thoughts. LOL
    "Well, I really struggled with those two questions because I don't think I do either. " okay so question here, because you said you don't feel like you do either is that why you feel-
    "Somehow I'm feeling as though our dynamic is a disappointment to most. "? Because as I say to our boys, ' You have no business in anyone else's head!" Unless of course someone has said that to you, and if that is the case I require names and addresses! Or is it because you don't feel 'legit' because currently your dynamic doesn't look like you believe most people's do with lists, and chores, and dresscodes or whatever?

    I asked Eric. He said he needed a bit to mull it over and then after looking up the definitions, came back with, "You obey more than you submit."

    Here is my opinion on that- not that you asked for it, and not that I required you did -lol- He can't answer that question for you. In my (not so) humble opinion, submission is a feeling while obeying or other times. Eric can view you through his eyes and at times no doubt it is obvious that you are obeying but not with your heart, but other times it isn't as obvious- at least that is the case for me. A lame example? Say cleaning the toilet was on my list. Naturally it is going to get done, but what type of attitude I have, what feelings I feel during dictates whether I am submissive in my duties or not ( told you it was a lame example because it's a flipping toilet! no one WANTS to clean it). But if my mindset is I want to clean it because it is important to him and that is the forefront of my mind, then my submissive heart has been engaged. If I want to clean it so I don't get in trouble, or because it is bothering me then maybe I'm 'just going through the motions' or 'obeying'.

    ,"we are both very sensitive to you never feeling controlled by me or anyone else for that matter." I may be speaking out of turn here, but to me there is a huge difference with submission and control. I am submitting control to him. If I didn't consistently want to submit, I'd only be obeying to avoid conflict or other unpleasentries and that would be more on the controlling side than the submitting to control side.


    "Maybe submission is that letting go and leaning in that makes me feel like we are one and he happens to be at the front of our marriage, while obeying is more the outward action of saying, "yes, I will take care of what you want". Sounds to me like you found your difference between the two. See that wasn't so hard. Drama Queen LMAO!

    Love
    willie

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  8. Amy, this was great to read. I'm glad you jumped in on that writing prompt. Submitting/obeying ... pfft, whatever it is, it's a pretty neat trip isn't it?

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  9. Id think about how each word makes you feel. Obviously there is a guy reaction to obey... but re-evaluate how you feel in a few months or years.

    I used to have a reaction to the words Master and slave. It has lessened over the years.

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