Thursday, March 16, 2017

Kiss Me, Spank Me, Fuck Me - The Blue Funk has Ended

Today was miraculous, to say the least.

I have been a wreck.  Nothing seeming possible and everything a huge struggle.

Eric has been gone.  Not just absent from home, but absent from himself, me, us.

We shared our typical morning of late.  I raced around the neighborhood trying to keep my anxiety down.  He sat on the phone, complaints about the workload never ending and a personal lack of drive to do anything.

We agreed to text between his flights but then, the miracle happened.  Eric's flight was cancelled and he had to be rerouted.  Of all things, he had to change planes at our local airport!  It took me an hour to abandon work, hit the freeway, find parking and race to a restaurant but I made it and HE LOOKED AMAZING.  My wonderful handsome husband was parked in an orange plastic booth, in the flesh, staring at me with his gorgeous blue eyes and his melt-my-heart smile.

We were like teenagers in love for the first time.  His toe found it's way in my dress under the table while I rolled the spoon around my tongue as though I were toying with his cock.  We stared into each other's eyes, oblivious of anyone else in the world.  He ordered me to the restroom to remove my panties and take a picture of what was hidden underneath.  I returned and handed him a red satin thong and a brightly lit photo on my phone.

Giddy, Eric jumped up and did the same.  He kept his undies but I got a picture of something I've been missing for far too long.

"Squishy," I told him.  "That's what you make me."

We kissed some more and then his fingers found their way under the table, through my dress and into my squishy lips.

I giggled.  He felt so good.

"Hey pretty girl," he teased, "I just want to pull you over this table and fuck you right here."

"I'm in!" I yelled.

He laughed and reached out grabbing my hair into two ponytails.

"You are so naughty Amy Lynn," he scolded moving my head back and forth.  "I don't know if I want to fuck you or spank you more."

The heat in my bottom rose at the mention of a spanking and we'd already established the squishy factor.  I could tell he was heating up as well, a deep red hue across his cheekbones.

"There's a his/her bathroom in the hallway," Eric suggested.  There were only forty minutes until his next flight but we were both ready and willing.  Lunch, half eaten, was paid for and we found ourselves racing down the hall to a "Closed for Cleaning" sign.

"Ugh!" Eric exclaimed, the bulge in his trousers ready to burst.

We ran down further in hopes of finding another location but then his phone rang, a client, and he had to take it.

I didn't even get to say good-bye.  The client talked our time away and then Eric was off, that sexy butt running up an escalator while I waved and blew kisses.

Back at work, it was like I was lost in a dream.  Our unexpected lucky break got cut short but oh how much happier we both are anyway.

My love.  Kiss me, spank me, fuck me or just spend twenty miraculous minutes flirting with me at the airport.

I love you Eric!!!


Monday, March 13, 2017

You Are Lovable

Eric is slammed at work.

He's not happy about it but he's dedicated.

We finally caught up tonight.

I told him the most horrible thoughts in my head.

He kept stopping me on one point.

"You are lovable"

He said it over and over.

If I believe nothing else,

it's what he wants me to know.

Chemically I can't handle certain drugs.

This will end.

I want to be back to myself.

I want to believe Eric.

I want to be lovable.

Something is Not Right

I'm up in the middle of the night again.

My joints hurt.  Seriously hurt.

My toes and fingers are swollen and no matter how much water I drink, I'm massively dehydrated.

For a few days now, I'd say I have a black cloud of doubt hanging over my head.  Everything seems impossible.  I don't believe in anything and question everything.

Last night I convinced myself everyone around me, everyone in my life, despises me.  I believe Eric is fed up with me and is leaving; trying to figure out how to stay as far away from me as possible.  I think my boss wants to eliminate my job and that I'll be broke and homeless in a matter of days.

I don't want to see or talk to anyone.  My social skills seem utterly inadequate to get through a conversation and I'm afraid of offending someone so I don't want to leave my room.

None of this is normal for me.  Something is not right.

I have been awake for hours but have no drive to be productive or move forward.  In times past, when things are bad, I run to solve things.  I have no energy to run.  I just want to vanish.

What is wrong with me?

What is different?

All I can think of is I started a new birth control pill ten days ago.  Nothing else that I can pinpoint has changed.  People, friends, coworkers, Eric - I don't think any of them have changed but my feelings of how they view me has become emotionally distressing. It's not like there was an event or something that happened.  On the contrary, good things have been occurring but I discount the positive and obsess about the negative.

I'm convinced I'm going to fail this semester.  I've gotten three papers back.  All 100%.  My logic is completely flawed but my feelings are extreme.

Could it be the pill?

I'm going to write my doctor an email and see what he thinks.  I'm also going to avoid people so I don't say something I don't mean or will regret later.  Everything seems so bleak. My body hurts.

I need sleep.


Sunday, March 12, 2017

Ten Hard Swats Vs. Forty Well Placed Spanks

Eric is gone for the rest of the month and I'm really floundering with midterms, work and an overwhelming sense of loneliness.

Last night I woke up at 2am and could not go back to sleep.  I got on the computer and watched some videos.  There is a series of  "Training Gracie" that caught my eye on Spanking Tube. Her boyfriend is overseas in the military so she's being disciplined by a hired hand.  Click here. I learned a lot watching all five episodes.

I always thought of a spanking as a quick over-the-knee hard ten swats.  It would hurt like hell while it was happening but then the burning afterwards was amazing.  Eric has figured out how much I can take and when I throw my hand back, a sign I'm over the edge, he will pin my wrist down and go for that ten.  Then, I'm in the corner for the short lived sting.  My brain is clear for awhile but the burn wears off far too soon unless we add capsicum cream to make it last longer.

I watched the hired hand and got to see a different style.  I liked the conversation as much as the punishment.  He involved her mind as well as her body; used multiple implements and always included corner time and a lesson learned. He was just a hired hand so there was no love or forgiveness at the end, but I know that part comes into play with my husband.

Anyway, as I was watching, I found myself counting.  The hired hand always started over her shorts, followed by an equal punishment on her bare bottom.  Then he'd move onto another implement and in many cases, go through the same routine.  I counted an average of forty well placed spanks each time. In one episode, he made the girl choose her own switch. Another time he made her count out eleven with shorts on and eleven with them off.  Intense, more what I'm used to.

After watching the videos and still unable to sleep, I got up and cleaned out our toy chest.  I used every implement we own on my ass; five swats on each cheek.  By the time I crawled back in bed, I was quite warm.  I reached under the mattress to tuck the computer away and my hand touched the hairbrush, a most painful implement that somehow didn't make it's way back to the chest the last time it was used.

I rolled on my side and took that brush to my boy shorts forty times.  By the end, my cheek was on fire with a nice steady burn that lasted longer than I expected.  My shorts came down and again, forty spanks on that same cheek.  I watched the clock and felt the sting for over a half hour before I finally nodded off.

I can't wait until Eric comes home.  I want to try my newfound technique.  Surely there is a time and place for each but I think a long lasting series of well placed spanks is something he and I will both enjoy.  I also want to be forced to choose my own switch and experience the cutting edge that put her so quickly on alert.

Thank you to Gracie and hired hand from Connecticut. You got me through one more night without my love and have given us both something to look forward to trying.


Saturday, March 11, 2017

Spank Me and Kiss Me - That's All You Need to Know

Sometimes I am such a child.

With that comes a wondrously playful, mischievous, creative side that brings adventure to even the most mundane of situations.  Life is a game with daily roles played out based on mood, situation, and location. Eric, a well respected and professional leader, enjoys the light hearted nature this silly wife brings to his world and often steps up to play with me as well.  We mentally thrive in verbal fantasy when we are apart and physically thrive even more when we are home or on the road together.

Unfortunately, too much of a good thing can go too far and when there is not balance, I get lost in a sea of doubt and hurt feelings; unable to respond in a logical adult manner but pouting my way through the emotions instead.  It blindsides me and I don't figure it out until it is too late.

For Eric, I'll suddenly appear to be all over the board and his frustration will mount as he tries to hit a moving target.  A good man, he wants to solve my problems and be whatever and whomever I need at all times. If the path he chooses yields an unexpected response, he often will stop talking and may even leave for a bit to work out another solution.  The child inside me cries, unable to get past a sense of abandonment and incapable of realizing he will return.

In times like this, we both forget the primary issue that spurred my momentary behavior is always secondary to a truly easy fix that I desperately need.  No matter what is going on, if Eric takes the time to make me feel safe and loved, provide me the security of being his girl, I will be unbreakable.

When we are together, this can be accomplished with a passionate kiss in his arms or a trip over his knee.  Both distract my brain from whatever is clogging my ability to productively problem solve and rationally move forward.  The kiss provides a coating of confidence around my heart and a red ass clears the clutter of doubt in my mind.

When we are apart, the same thing can me accomplished with the words, "I love you" and a stern lecture or directions to follow, thus refocusing my brain.  Sometimes a round of self discipline and corner time with Eric in my ear backs me away from the cliff; while other times a good cum with a toy and his voice on the line gets my wheels churning again.  In extreme situations when there is little time and great distance between us, even the promise of a night of passion or the threat of an old fashioned spanking will be enough to keep me grounded.

The happy child in me naively believes I can do anything I set my mind to and will never stop trying as long as I have the security of love.  When life puts bumps in the road, they can be dealt with together or often, I can handle them on my own as long as that sense of security and love is in place.

The insecure child in me fears Eric will get annoyed and stop loving me, will change his mind or will leave me or worse, never come home to me but vanish instead. During those moments, I shut down and freeze.  Both situations may be irrational but such is the mind of a grown up child.  Many times the insecurity is not even caused by him but an infusion of security from him can end my suffering.

Just spank me and kiss me.  That's all you need to know.


Saturday, March 4, 2017

A question... what would your husband think?

Hi Bloggers,

I asked, begged actually, Eric to keep me accountable about not eating candy.  I made it almost three months without eating any, though we had many conversations about it and at the end of one, agreed I could have a dark chocolate covered apricot once in awhile.

Last night, I ate a caramel. No conversation. No thought.  Just bought it at the register and devoured it.  Am actually surprised it happened that way; that it happened at all.  I was so tired and it was a long night of studying and .... that's not my question.

Eric is out of town.  We've talked twice since last night and I didn't mention it.  I blogged it yesterday. Figured he'll see it when he sees it and then we will talk about it.

The question:  Is that a dumb idea?  Should I be telling him before he's back next week?  Is he going to be more upset that he read about it or will it be better so he can think about it before he is back?

What would your husband's think? Say? Do?

I'm starting to question more than my lack of resistance for the candy.  Just give me your thoughts.  I figure I have until Friday to do the right thing if this is not it.

Image result for wax paper caramel


The Resistance Has Failed Her

In the 17th hour
of this 20 hour day,
the resistance has failed her
and Amy has eaten a piece of caramel candy.

So sorry.