Eric and I talk every morning. And by morning, I mean, there is an A and an M after a very tiny number nestled somewhere between a 2 and a 4. Based on where he is and our schedules, it's really the only time that works but he always says, "If you need the sleep, we'll just text and email."
Give up live conversation? The sultry sound of his voice?! No way, buddy. No, no way.
Anywho... yesterday morning went completely south. I had worked all day Saturday and fell into bed by 8:30. I slept hard initially but the stress of the job, distance, life; it all crept in and had a party in my head. Our conversation at 3am was filled with frustration and his answer was once again, "We don't need to talk every morning. If you need the sleep, I want you to take it."
(See picture above. Read the words. Repeat, A LOT LOUDER, three times, and follow with a tsunami of tears.)
We got off the phone. I reached out to a friend and in the two minutes it took her to reply, I fell sound asleep. So sound, I missed my alarm and three phone calls from people wondering where I was. I woke up 45 minutes late for work.
I texted Eric what happened while I scrambled to put on something clean with shoes that matched. He immediately wrote back, "Cap cream and get to work."
Now, I realize there was a mixed reaction to Baker's Dear Abby...errrr Dear Amy? post regarding capsicum cream but trust me, when your husband is away as much as mine is, you tend to get creative. Buns ablaze, I went to work with a clearer head and the feeling that Eric had my back; errrr... my backside as it were.
Another impossibly long day at the office. We didn't end until after 10pm. Exhausted again, I crawled into bed but rather than sleep, anxiety kicked in. What if Eric and I didn't talk anymore? What if he chose sleep for me over conversation? What if my physical health meant more to him than my emotional well-being? I tossed and turned under the realization that this could be a true test of ttwd because "leaning in" to a decision that meant even less time connecting with each other was not on my list of submissive capabilities.
3am rolled around but rather than ring, my phone blinked once and a text appeared, "Are you awake Sweet Pea?"
Awww. My heart melted right there. Eric hasn't called me Sweet Pea in a really long time and I love that nickname.
I immediately wrote back, "Shhh. Amy's sleeping but I can talk to you."
In whispered tones, we had a silly phone call as though Amy was actually passed out in the corner while Sweet Pea chatted and flirted with Eric. By the end of the conversation, we both confessed how important these phone calls are to each of us but I also admitted how hard life has recently become with health returning and the constant sense that I'm so far behind on everything I'll never catch up. Once again, overwhelmed with a plate too full but a reluctance to letting any of it go. We know how we would handle it if Eric were home so we agreed to work together from afar until he can get back.
Hemione's Brunch topic was about the hairbrush this week and I'd discussed the post with Eric. In the wee hours of a Monday morning, he told me to get out that hairbrush and talked me through ten whacks on each cheek to get the week started off right. Then he had me close my eyes and brush my hair while he spoke softly through the phone, helping me to imagine he was there.
I'm off to start another insanely busy week but I feel good. My confidence and drive are intact, I feel close to my husband even though he's way too far away, and I'm ready to take on my challenges one step at a time.
"Put one foot in front of the other...."
Have a good week, everyone!