Wednesday, March 14, 2018

Questions for Eric from Hoss

How do I read when to stop?  My wife has shown that sometimes I stop too soon.  We haven't ever gone too far.

Consistency.  She has moods and sometimes it is frustrating to not discipline in the moment, but I don't want to discipline angry.  We have problems with being consistent on a daily basis as life gets in the way.  I need to redirect during those times and would appreciate suggestions on what others do or think.


Eric: As Amy and I got more in tune with each other and this dynamic, she became comfortable letting me know what she was feeling and how far I could take things.  I always say, this is not a silent movie. Speak up.  By giving me the keys, I can do a better job in my role.  Amy has taught me that the spanking is only part of the experience.  Taking my time, having the conversation, corner time or something to focus on - touching on the emotional/mental side is as important as the physical.  I don't worry about going too far because we have a safe word.  There have been times when I think she's taken all she can but I ask if she's had enough. Sometimes she's said no.  You both need to talk.  It's a tango. You both need to dance.

It's hard for us to be consistent when I'm traveling all the time.  We've come up with other things to keep Amy's mind where she is happiest.  Sometimes I'll have her self discipline while we're on the phone.  Sometimes I'll give her a list of things to get done while wearing a plug or some capsicum. It's all about the connection.  When life gets in the way, do your best to connect one way or another.

Can't say I've ever disciplined while angry but I have been frustrated with Amy as times.  I find whispering in her ear what I'll be dishing out later (you're getting the belt tonight, young lady) is enough to swing her.  The key is to follow through. If you don't plan on doing something, don't say you will.  The anticipation is just step one.  The discipline that comes later is step two.  The love afterwards is step three.  We always talk about it the next day. I need to know how she really feels and find she's more open a day or so later.

Amy: To clarify - the plug is one thing. Capsicum is something all together different. They are not a package deal. ;0

14 comments:

  1. Such wonderful advice Eric, I'm sure this will be a great help to Hoss and other HoH's.

    Hugs
    Roz

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  2. That is really great advice Eric, which I'm sure Hoss will be happy to follow.
    Hugs Lindy xx

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  3. Sounds good. It has our experience that Barney lived a misconception for many years when it came to anger and discipline/punishments. He has now come to realize that punishing when angry is actually the most beneficial for both of us. I can feel his conviction. HOWEVER angry and RAGING are completely different things!

    Of course experience and communication through experience does change a great deal of things but in our home we did a great disservice to our dynamic by not punishing when B was angry. The first time it happened it was like the world shifted in our direction and all the pieces fell into place. There was no worry about stopping too soon. He was fast and furious and I will tell you I wasn't longing for more. There was an authenticity about it that seemed to lack a bit due to having to wait. That is not to say he wasn't thorough before, it is just a completely different atmosphere.

    Now, I will say there are still times where he needs to cool off. But as far as anger vs rage, I assured Barney it was okay, that I trusted his judgement. In that area he's never steered us wrong.

    I just wanted to mention this because I have talked to a lot of women concerning the 'anger' issue. They have agreed with the assessment because it has happened once or twice and they wished it would continue. I think we all got caught up in the 'don't spank when angry' tagline as a catch all ( no disrespect intended to anyone who feels that way) and it has robbed at least some of us, of a feeling of authenticity. Barney does not hold grudges, and can't keep that feeling of disappointment going long enough at times to have that translate into a punishment I feel deeply about. I am not referring to the pain aspect. THAT he always has had no issue with.

    Anyway just a different prospective on that.

    willie

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  4. Always love to hear from a husband perspective. Really wish it happened more often. I do agree about the anger issue as well. Sam used to worry about that. Then he let it go and spanks in the moment. Seems a lot more natural and we are reconnected more quickly.

    Hugs From Ella

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  5. Hi Eric, nice post, what a good hoh you are.
    love Jan,xx

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  6. Amy and Eric,
    We are away so this needs to be quick. Loved reading the hoh point of view.
    Meredith

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  7. Thank-you, Eric! .... forwarding to Frank for discussion as the 'don't want to act while angry' factor came up for us a couple of weeks ago ... nj

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  8. I'd love to hear, "Will be discussing this in an hour." Or what ever time period you might need, tomorrow morning, evening... Maybe it goes on 'the list' and it's all taken care of during some version of maintenance. Nick and I also had a 'slow down and give me a minute word' as opposed to just a 'safe/stop' word. That came in handy for when I needed a break but didn't want him to stop.

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  9. wonderful to hear your perspective...especially the anticipation followed by discipline followed by love.

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  10. Hurrah for Eric for jumping in and giving us the view from the other side of the coin ..so to speak. hugs abby

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  11. Consistency and doing what you say you'll do is HUGE! <3

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  12. I just shared this with my husband and we continue to be finding our way. I think for him, hearing things from a man's point of view is huge. We women have ways to communicate with each other but our men - they are kind of on their own. Huge thanks for both the questions from Hoss and the response from Eric. It clarified things for me as well.

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  13. Hi Eric, :) This is an awesome post! Sounds very similar to how things run around our place... like all couples, we each put our own spin on how to keep that connection going. I love how you talk about communication being front and center around it all. Amy is a lucky gal. I agree with Jan! Many hugs,

    <3 Katie

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  14. We much appreciated the answers! Thank you, I think😉.
    --Hoss and Baker

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