Tuesday, February 6, 2018

Amy in Cry(sis) - I'm Out

OMG. I'm out. No FFF for me. No getting in shape. No feeling strong and healthy. No full speed ahead, happy girl with goals and dreams and a FitBit ready for action.

Seriously, I'm out and I'm so so sad.

Monday morning I clocked 32,045 steps since Friday.

Monday morning I chatted with Eric before he went off to meet with his client.

Monday morning I emailed fellow bloggers about the weekend and progress and the plan for the week.

Monday morning I went to the office to avoid my boss and battle my way through the day.  I truly stay as far away from that man as possible.  I think, "If I don't have to see him, I'll have a better day."

Be careful what you wish for.

Everything has changed.

I don't have to see my boss for a month.

I don't have to go to work for a month.

I don't have to exercise at the gym.

I don't have to walk or track any steps.

I don't have to and I can't.

As a matter of fact, I can't do anything but sit on my butt and cry and try not to get horribly depressed and eat my way through my miserable plight.

I need Eric here now but I don't think he can come home early. I'm hurt and upset and having a hard time not resenting the fact that he's not here to take care of me. I can't drive for two weeks so I can't go stay with my kid, who can't come here because of school.

Grrrr!  Darn it!  FUCK!!! This is a nightmare.

I haven't told you what happened.

I fell.

Like, I fell BIG time.

I fell and shattered my knee.  It was so bad, I had surgery Monday afternoon and am stuck in bed for two to three weeks attached to a circulating ice machine.

"Follow doctor's orders, Amy Lynn," Eric said and had my favorite plant and a sweet card sent immediately. "I'll be home as soon as I can."

 I still can't believe this happened.

Just as I was getting on track - goals and a plan. Internal drive and motivation. External cheering squad. Sometimes life is just not fair.

My friends and neighbors are being extremely helpful but I'm popping pain pills, supposed to stay put, and have with a head full of wishes that I can't do a damn thing about.

I wish this hadn't happened.

I wish Eric was home.

I wish I could exercise, walk, and participate in FFF.

Nothing is right.

Sorry Blogland.

Looks like I'm out.

Amy in Cry(sis)

29 comments:

  1. Aw Amy this is truly awful. I am sorry that Eric can't get out of his commitment with work. No doubt you'd feel so much better if you weren't alone facing this. And laying about certainly doesn't help the mind at all does it?

    The FFF will come in time- even if it is 8 months from now. Try not to add that to your list of disappointments. Look at it this way, you will have plenty of time to get a jump start on your writing so when you can move you will be chapters ahead and won't have to worry about that!

    Hope you see a little 'sunshine' today.

    Love willie

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    1. Okay Willie. I'm back from the traumatized and ready to take the bull by the horns again. I'll do my best to be patient about the FFF bit and will avoid ice cream as my go-to. Yes, laying around does not help the mental aspect of any of this. So, I will write. Starting today.
      Amy

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  2. Amy that completely sucks! I'm so sorry you are having to go through all this and that Eric can't be there with you. I'm gonna make a suggestion - write. Write, write, write - blog post, angry rants, prayers, stories, anything you can think of. Reading is great, of course, but you're more in control if you write. Just don't isolate yourself more than the injury did. Keep blogging and emailing friends. You are going to need contacts. Maybe you can write some of the pain away.

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    1. Hi PK, I always admired the way you would write every morning. Since I'm just sitting here, I'll try to do the same. I always get caught up on what to write and feel like I've got to have an entire novel in my head before I can even begin. Maybe the key for now is just to write the pain away...
      Amy

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  3. Oh Sweetie...YUCK big time....OUCHIE big time....so sorry..but it is a temporary set back...your cheer leading friends are still here...hugs abby

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    1. Guess there are no excuses for not writing now, eh?
      Amy

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  4. Oh Amy.... I'm so sorry!
    Deep breath... this too shall pass. It sucks, but it will pass. Give yourself permission to admit this and then give it the finger and REST!
    There is always time to work out and go to the gym and all the other things you were going to do. It's just put on hold for a bit so you can heal. You had every good intention and you'll get to it. There is a season for everything, and this is your season for self- care.
    Do something you like to do...
    Gosh a fellow blogger just wrote an excellent post on this- a shrew tamed- maybe you follow her.
    Have a good cry and then dry those tears and enjoy some time off. You deserve a break and maybe this is your bodies way of letting you know you need to slow down for now.
    BIG Hugs to you,

    Jlynne

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    1. Awww. Thank you for the nice long comment Jlynne. Trust me. I've had a few (7,8...maybe 9) good cries since Monday. Today I'm feeling a bit better. Even managed a sponge bath. Baby steps but its a start.
      Amy

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  5. Amy,
    It is so hard when your body stops you from doing something about which you were excited and happy. It doesn't seem fair, and the tears come so easily. That is when depression can do more damage than the injury.

    A major health problem has interfered with our plans for well over a year now. It was so easy to sink into a dark mood. Eric is there for you, even if he isn't home. Think about all the things you have for which to be thankful. They will have you doing physical therapy as soon as the swelling is down. Devote yourself to getting strong again.

    Sending Wishes for a Fast Recovery,
    Ella

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    1. It's day three and I can see a huge difference in swelling today - way down. I've had tons of friends pop in with well wishes and food. Thankfully, I'd told everyone about wanting to get fit so they're only bringing healthy snacks! Nights are hard but when you are alone, they are anyway. Eric is trying to get back early. We'll see.
      Amy

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  6. Oh and... hey...
    You ARE still in, not out! I agree with the others up there- stick with the goals you can achieve for now and add the rest later on. Update on those goals (the writing) on Fridays.
    Don't give up on that or we'll all come spank ya;)

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  7. Oh Amy, hoe awful. I am so sad for you. Right now I wish I was there to help, we may all be chums in Blogland but in practical terms it is a bit useless. I know it is really really hard and you are in pain so for now you have to focus on getting better enough to get home . Next think of something you can do and that is write! For ages now you have wanted to write and this is your golden opportunity to give it a go. Come on Amy, life is hard but this is something you can do, just rest and relax and let everything go for a while. So you can't get fit right now, you don't have to stuff yourself either. Focus on nice things, do your nails, a facial , anything to give your self a boost. Hopefully Eric will be home soon to make you feel better. We are all thinking about you, chin up
    much love Jan, xx
    P.S. it is great that you don't have to see the dreadful boss.......

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    1. Looking at the bright side - I don't have to see my boss for almost a whole month. YES! I will focus on that instead of my knee.
      Amy

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  8. Oh Amy, I am so sorry. You must be in so much pain. Hard to concentrate on anything. You have to hang in there and get yourself better.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

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  9. NNNNNOOOOOO Amy, you poor girl, I feel so sorry for you. You were doing so well and it was fun having our bet together.
    Don't give up on FFF though, stay positive. You can cheer us on from the side lines and write your chapters. Just think you will actually have more time on your hands to write. Still stick to healthy eating. When you are back on your feet down the track you can rejoin us in the exercise part of FFF.
    Its a bonus you have a break from your terrible boss.
    Sending positive healing vibes your way.
    Hugs Lindy xx

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    1. Accepting all healing vibes. Thank you very much.
      Amy

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  10. Amy,
    This is not the news we want to hear. You need to get yourself well. Eric comes home and you need to be ready.
    Meredith

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    1. Working on it. Not exactly the thinner, healthier wife I had hoped to be when Eric returned but at this point, I think we'll both just be happy when he can hug me.
      Amy

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  11. oh, bugger!
    *sits down on stoop next to you and shoulder bumps*

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    1. Oh bugger! Yes, come bump shoulders with me.
      Amy

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  12. Oh my goodness that is horrible! Health is more than working out, getting your knee back in order is the main priority. I hope the pain pills are helping, and you heal quickly.

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    1. I admit, the pain pills are pretty awesome. My knee was one thing but my back was killing me too. No more. All pain has gone away.
      Amy

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  13. So sorry. Hang in there, things will get better. Hope it happens soon. Take care...

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    1. Thanks Blondie. Really nothing to do but wait it out.
      So, I wait.
      Amy

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  14. ouch. exercise is just ONE part of the FFF. meditation. writing. relaxing. WELLNESS - this is the part you need right now - concentrate on doing what you must to get well. if that means resting, then rest. if it means not moving for a bit, then don't move. WRite. write a post every day. every hour. Heck, email all of us if that's easier.

    Write your chapters. Start a story with the people around you.

    concentrate on reading up on healthy food choices (since you shouldn't be stressing about what exercise u can't do) and make those better food choices - u CAN still be a part of FFF and I'm not letting you off the hook so easy missy! *HUGS* We're all cheering for you to get and stay healthy, even if you can't move right now. stretch your arms. that's still moving and you'll be keeping that upper body flexible too!

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    1. Thank you Fondles. Doing my best to stay upbeat while my body is down. Day three, feeling a lot better. It's only Wednesday so maybe by Friday I can come up with some different goals based on the new situation.
      Amy

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  15. I think blogger's playing up again. I know I left a comment.

    Sorry this has happened. It must be so hard to concentrate on anything with the pain you are in. Hang in there and do as the doctors say:) so you can get better.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

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    1. Hi Ronnie,
      I'm following Doctors orders to a tee. The pain meds are a life saver. Just need to wait it out.
      Amy

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