Monday, January 22, 2018

Back in Bed - Amy Lynn is such a whiner

It's barely 5pm and I'm back in bed; literally sick to my stomach because Eric has to meet with that client tomorrow morning.  I feel like he's being fed to the lions and slowly but surely his heart, soul, and personality is being picked apart and destroyed.  I don't want him to go through this anymore. He doesn't deserve this at all.

I avoided my boss all day and am equally sick that I need to meet with him tomorrow morning as well.  It is not right that these two men can adversely affect us so much.  I don't see a quick fix and with Eric thousands of miles away, it's hard to be there for each other.  Being home wouldn't change the circumstance but I know he would give me a reset spanking which would inch me along another week.  I also know, the act itself, would provide him a sense of relief.  Physically, he'd get to let go of some of the tension and emotionally, he always feels stronger when he's helped me out. Anyway...

Yesterday I did my list of three things.  Thank you all for the comments and support.  I'll just be whining here for the next few weeks so feel free to take a break if I'm bringing you down too.  I felt great when I crawled into bed but at 3am I was up full of anxiety and panic having had a stupid nightmare in which Eric called to tell me he was quitting and moving to Tahiti. I'd be fine with that but of course in my dream, he had decided I would not be joining him.  I think the sick feeling in my stomach is because I know Eric is being pulled in a million directions and he's really not happy.  I want to support him and be nothing but a positive force in his life but I do get selfish about wanting more time together. 

REALITY CHECK - if these two men weren't tormenting Eric and me right now, we'd be having a wonderful life.  I need to stop focusing on them and work on the things I/we can change.

I took a hot bath.  Maybe later this week Eric and I can have phone sex or something to take off the pressure. 

I did go to the gym again today and I've eaten very healthy.  I felt great about all of that and my kids called and are doing well too.  Then I started thinking about tomorrow and tanked.  Tummy ache. Headache.  I'm on an emotional roller coaster. Hard to support Eric when I am also being yanked around.  Hard for him to support me in the same situation. Gosh darn it.

I'm tired of being a Debbie Downer and feeling so alone and crappy.  Going to end this post now and if I can bring myself to it, will write up a story to try to change the mood.

Good night all.

Lamey

2 comments:

  1. Oh Amy, I am catching up, I hope by the time you read this some things are sorted, hugs
    love Jan, xx

    ReplyDelete
  2. You got this, girl! Keep focusing on the things passed these two men and how wonderful it will be when he's home.
    --Baker

    ReplyDelete

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