It's barely 5pm and I'm back in bed; literally sick to my stomach because Eric has to meet with that client tomorrow morning. I feel like he's being fed to the lions and slowly but surely his heart, soul, and personality is being picked apart and destroyed. I don't want him to go through this anymore. He doesn't deserve this at all.
I avoided my boss all day and am equally sick that I need to meet with him tomorrow morning as well. It is not right that these two men can adversely affect us so much. I don't see a quick fix and with Eric thousands of miles away, it's hard to be there for each other. Being home wouldn't change the circumstance but I know he would give me a reset spanking which would inch me along another week. I also know, the act itself, would provide him a sense of relief. Physically, he'd get to let go of some of the tension and emotionally, he always feels stronger when he's helped me out. Anyway...
Yesterday I did my list of three things. Thank you all for the comments and support. I'll just be whining here for the next few weeks so feel free to take a break if I'm bringing you down too. I felt great when I crawled into bed but at 3am I was up full of anxiety and panic having had a stupid nightmare in which Eric called to tell me he was quitting and moving to Tahiti. I'd be fine with that but of course in my dream, he had decided I would not be joining him. I think the sick feeling in my stomach is because I know Eric is being pulled in a million directions and he's really not happy. I want to support him and be nothing but a positive force in his life but I do get selfish about wanting more time together.
REALITY CHECK - if these two men weren't tormenting Eric and me right now, we'd be having a wonderful life. I need to stop focusing on them and work on the things I/we can change.
I took a hot bath. Maybe later this week Eric and I can have phone sex or something to take off the pressure.
I did go to the gym again today and I've eaten very healthy. I felt great about all of that and my kids called and are doing well too. Then I started thinking about tomorrow and tanked. Tummy ache. Headache. I'm on an emotional roller coaster. Hard to support Eric when I am also being yanked around. Hard for him to support me in the same situation. Gosh darn it.
I'm tired of being a Debbie Downer and feeling so alone and crappy. Going to end this post now and if I can bring myself to it, will write up a story to try to change the mood.
Good night all.