Tuesday, October 16, 2018

You Da Boss!

Good Morning Bloggers!

It's Bosses Day and though Eric and I truly have a partnership, that 51(%) after his name does give the man a tad more power than the 49(%) I possess.  Therefore, I dedicate this post to him and all HOH's out there.

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for....
listening,
caring,
kissing,
loving,
spanking,
and
always doing what's best for us.

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Always,
Amy

Saturday, September 29, 2018

Stuck

How is it that decisions are so difficult and life is so hard?
Weekend plans fell apart.
Piece by piece, shot to hell.
Me, home alone and drowning in a pool of contemplation.

We fight to learn, grow, and become independent adults;
only to discover that being taller and older doesn't make anything easier.

Do we stay put?  Familiar. Comfortable. The forever wait for situations to change and timelines to match.

Do we move? Closer to kids. The dream. No house. No money. A battle for security but an abundance of family and freedom. A new beginning.

Do we commit to an unexpected career away from familiar, farther from family, but a financial windfall? A lonely proposition for a few short years in preparation for the dream that we keep concocting but can't quite move on.

Too many decisions.

Too much piled high on my mind.

It is time to thrive
but my feet are stuck
in the quicksand of
futures, unknown.

Amy

Friday, September 14, 2018

Car Trouble? AAAmy!!!!

I can't believe Eric has been back a week and I've not had a moment to share with my wonderful bloggers.  So many stories.  So little time.

I have an older car so before Eric left on his latest trip, he told me to get AAA. I did. (not)  Monday I was back at work and naturally, ended up with a flat tire.  My adorable husband came to the rescue and didn't even give me a hard time about not being prepared.  I promised to take care of it and we celebrated the fixed flat with some friendly frolicking. Hey!  The man has been gone for weeks.  We can't keep our hands off each other and it's a good thing.  Mmmm. Yes. A very good thing.

Anyway, two days later, I was driving down the road and suddenly there was smoke billowing from the hood of the car.  We happened to be on the phone at the time and Eric told me to pull over immediately and call AAA to have it towed.  I did. (not)  I hadn't gotten around to buying our membership yet!  And I didn't want to look like a total idiot (make note of that thought) so instead I kept driving until I found an auto shop.  Only after it was safely in the hands of an expert, did I admit that I hadn't had it towed.

"Amy Lynn!  What is the point of having AAA if you won't use it?!  You could have destroyed the entire engine driving under those conditions!"

Well, he was partially right. What is the point of AAA if I never sign up for it? (Not a word! It's done now.)

Fast forward six hours.  Eric was coming from his office to pick me up so we could go get my car.  The smart girl at the house decided to start walking toward him to try and save him some time.  I got a good bit down the road and figured if I could get to a main artery, I could cut down his drive time by maybe 15 or 20 minutes.  I knew I wouldn't have time to take the regular streets so I decided to cut across a large dirt field nestled between suburbia and the highway.  Genius.  Right?

Well, my timing was a little off so when Eric called, I was halfway down a dirt path in the middle of a complete strangers property with the wind blowing so hard, my man could barely hear a word I was saying.  I was in sandals and a billowy skirt and top, kicking up dust as I hustled to get through to the other side.  Eric was not happy.  He questioned, scolded, lectured, and threatened to the point that I just wanted to forget the darn car and go back home.

"I know you're having a bad day," he said, doing a terrible job of hiding his annoyance, "but that's no reason to turn your brain off! I'm getting a headache trying to hear you through all this wind and I can't understand why on earth you didn't just stick with the plan."

Meanie.  I told him to forget it.  He could just keep on driving and I'd get there myself.

"I'm behind you," he said sternly.

No sooner had those words come out of his mouth, the wind picked up and so did my skirt.  That's right.  A full moon for the man to see.

I opened the door and slid down low in the passengers seat.

"Oh great," Eric couldn't help himself.  "My white car is getting dirty and now you're flashing the whole neighborhood!"

I took a deep breath and mumbled something about him making a big deal out of nothing, noting that he could have just waited for me on the other side at the convenience store at the corner.  (Remember that thing you noted earlier?  I won't bore you, but apparently there is no convenience store at the corner. Ugh.)

A moment of silence passed and then Eric said, "Well, you showed me the backside.  Pull up that skirt and let me see the front."

I waited until the car in front of us went through the stop sign and then spread my legs for Eric to see.  He grinned and rotated his fingers in a crazy 8 pattern on my clit, making me squirm and giggle.  We got on the highway and drove for a half hour.  Eric pointed out the beautiful landscape; patches of bright purple flowers under pinkish clouds at dusk.  He took the exit and as he pulled up to the stop, told me to raise my skirt again.

WHACK!

Suddenly, I had four large red finger prints blazed across my inner thigh.  I caught my breath, audibly sucked in the air, not expecting nor seeing that slap coming.

A short time later, I was dropped at the auto mechanic with a kiss on my lips and $500 to cover the costs.

"I'm sorry about today," I said getting out of the car.

Eric caught me and put his hand between my legs again. He smiled.

"Mmmm. Wet.  Do you like it when I punish you, little Missy?" he asked, a devilish look crossing his face.

I blushed.

"Yes sir," I mouthed.

We raced each other home and there was much more frisky frolicking that took place in our room.  Then, while recovering in each other's arms under the covers, I asked if smacking my thigh helped Eric to let go of the anger he had toward me with the whole leavingthehousewalkingthroughthedirtflashingtheneighborsgivinghimaheadache thing.

"No," he said, letting the word linger, fully aware that I wanted to have a full blown conversation about the benefits of ttwd.

"You seemed a lot happier afterwards," I prompted, again.

"My anger went away the second I saw you stomping through the mud," he said laughing, "but I couldn't resist giving you a good smack after all of your shenanigans." 

Then he kissed each of those finger prints displayed on my thigh and we cuddled the evening away.

Awwww.  Eric!!! You are adorable.

Amy

Saturday, September 8, 2018

The Unexpected

ERIC IS BACK!!!!!!The man completely surprised me and was waiting at the house when I got home from work.  I was flabbergasted. Opened the door and there he was, perched on the stairs.
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"Hi Pretty Girl," he said and I screamed.  Literally screamed and then jumped in his arms.  We kissed madly, passionately, and then I suddenly pulled away and looked into his eyes.

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"Is something wrong?!" I asked, panic setting in as thoughts of the horrors that could bring him home early flooded my mind.

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"No love," he reassured me quickly.  "We finished the project early and I wanted to surprise you."

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My heart is full.  My husband is home.  (And for those of you on kid watch, my daughter had a really good week.)  Life is grand again.  Time to sit back and enjoy the magic.

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Have a fabulous weekend Blog Land!  

Amy

Tuesday, September 4, 2018

My Plan When Eric Returns - get that sexy spank on!

Eric comes back the 12th but then there is jet lag, reacclimating to being home, and yard work that will capture his attention.  I want him 100% focused on us so I'll wait until Saturday the 22nd but then, he's all mine.

I think I'll call it Senses Saturday.  I've been reading on some of your blogs about restraints and various bondage things you enjoy.  I still have some injuries that I'm dealing with so Eric will want to be extra cautious. At the same time, I've been waiting months for some serious play.  Your restraint posts got me thinking about how our senses intensify things.

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Eric and I often talk about getting to subspace. Haven't been there yet but oh, have we read about it! We love testing the limits and I've been known to play on the fringes here and there. We have a chest full of bondage stuff that we've never gotten around to using for more than a "new toy trial run" - tape, harness, wrist and ankle ties; we even own an anal hook!  I think it's time to see how far we can get through slow manipulation of our senses... feel free to pipe in some suggestions but this is what I'm thinking so far.

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We have Alexa in our bedroom so it's easy enough to play whatever music strikes the mood.  However, as our play continues and once Eric has me securely tied down, I want him to drowned out the world by putting the sound of the ocean in my ears. Then I won't be able to hear anything going on around me.

How to Use Massage Candles -- Three Skinny Dip Candles in Photo

Skinny Dip Massage Candles smell incredible and create a warm oil that will entice our senses and with which I can massage Eric to get him in the mood.

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For sight, I will dress in sexy lingerie that he's never seen, which will be hidden under a black dress with high heeled zipper boots.  He loves taking his time removing my boots and clothing.  The undergarments will surely get him going.  Then, once I'm securely fastened to the bed, he can blindfold me to intensify everything.

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As for touch, I'll have the hot massage oil so there will also be a bucket of ice nearby. We can play off of opposites.  Hot and cold.  Light and heavy.  A feather.  The blind wand.  His strap.  (Is it getting hot in here?!)

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Not sure if taste should come before, after or during our play. I watched 9.5 Weeks in college and have fantasized about scenes from that move for twenty years.  I totally want to have fun in the kitchen. See here.

That's what I've got in my head so far.  Send me your ideas!!  Let's create this plan together.... you know I'll share. ;)

Amy


Monday, September 3, 2018

Spanking and Dominance, Spanking or Dominance?

Eric will be back in nine days.  I fight every morning to get moving and then every hour to keep going.

"You need to get your ass reddened Amy Lynn," he said on the phone this morning.

His words sparked an interest in my butt.

"Duh," was my reply.

"Duh?!" he snapped back.  "Is that any way to talk to your HOH?"

Mmmm. My HOH. The conversation continued and the more verbally dominant he became, the more alive I felt.

"You're getting spanked the minute I get home, Missy!"

Heaven.

I went through my list.  I'm sitting at my daughter's desk typing away on Blogger.

My bottom is tingly and looking for the follow through of a good hard swat, a trip over his knee, or the sting of his belt, that splatter of a wooden paddle, the bite of his favorite strap. YES!

The combination is delicious, but Eric isn't here for nine more days so unless I go back to self discipline, the spanking has to wait.

Do you ever have the dominance without the spanking or the spanking without the dominance?
How does it work for you? Does one move you in a certain direction while the other takes you down another path?  And what does the magic of the combo do for you?

Sunday, September 2, 2018

Home Alone and Dog Piling

I'm back home and Eric is not going to be here until September 12.

My daughters are sharing an apartment.  They're quite excited about it; one in school and one working with my sister.  It's good for them.  There are safety plans in place and they have been utilized once; proof they do work.

I cried the entire plane ride back.  I cried the first twenty-four hours at home.  I'm getting used to my girls being gone and living away from a child I'm afraid to leave but am not helping by staying.

I am alone.

Home alone and dog piling.

I read that sadness lasts five days.  This is day six.  I refuse to stay down any longer.

Time to activate coping skills that I picked up over the years.

1.  When you wake up, get up.  Make the bed so you don't go back down.  Shower. Dress.
2.  Write down three things to do first thing in the morning before your mind has time to focus on anything else.  At the end of the day, right before you fall asleep, write down three for the next day and check off the three that were completed so you can thank yourself for being productive.
3.  Write for therapy - be it blogging, thank you cards, love letters, or research papers.  Write.
4.  Spanking - it works.  Find a way.
5.  Stay away from food that brings you down - no sugar, no carbs, no dairy, no processed crap.  Eat to fuel a body that needs to heal.  Healthy fruit and veggies, protein, and tons of water.

I moved this computer into my daughter's room.  She's got the best desk in the house but more than that, I'm hoping if I write in here every morning, I'll feel closer to her.  She's doing well, more good days than bad.  I'm still walking the daily tightrope.

Time changes all.  Wait it out, Amy Lynn.  No more sitting home alone and dog piling.


Saturday, August 18, 2018

The Dam Finally Broke

Yesterday my daughter had a great day.  Smiles.  Laughter.  Good times with her sister and even me.

Today, she vanished into a black hole.  Made plans with us but then hid in bed.  Wouldn't answer the door, texts, or the phone.  Two hours late, she finally appeared and we planned to go out for bowling and dinner.

Walking a few paces behind me, she suddenly came right up on me, like an aggressive animal with wild eyes, heart racing, and shaking hands.  "Don't freak out Mom," she said, "but I'm not going to school this Fall."  Then she passed me to race away but I reached out and grabbed her arm.

"Don't freak out, honey," I said, "but I am totally okay with your decision."

"Pffft!" she uttered in disbelief and we didn't say another word.

Bowling was fun but then some jerk hit my sister's car and left without even leaving a note. 

Dinner was late but we were hungry.  Afterwards, I walked to the car with my daughter and told her I wanted her to go to school to dabble in topics that could lead her to a path she'd like to explore.  I said I truly am fine with her not being in school now because she's discovered working with children is something she "thinks" she enjoys.  She still isn't letting me in and she says she doesn't feel any better since we talked but I will say, she seems more relaxed, her body is less tense and not shaking anymore... she feels better.  I know it.

So, we have a plan.  She's going to live here, up the street from my sister with her sister, my youngest daughter!  She's going to work for an after school program through my sister's employer and will continue with weekly therapy to curb the depression. The younger one will be in school.  Finally, a plan.  And finally, a moment where I could say, "I'm proud of you and you are an adult now who can make you own decisions and I respect that."  She bristled a bit but went to bed chatting with her sister about furniture and move-in dates.

I may just be able to go back home and have a sense of peace about the road my children are currently on after-all.  I realize this is just the beginning but the dam has broken and we are moving again.  Maybe I'll even sleep tonight! It's been so long...

Amy

PS - Oldest daughter is on a roll. She was quite happy on the phone tonight telling me she has lunch with her mentor on Monday.  For the moment, they are all smiling.

Friday, August 17, 2018

Love Language Blueprints

I cannot even begin to write without first thanking ALL of you who have commented, filled my email box, and reached out in all sorts of ways.  I'm sorry I've been very bad about responding to everyone and about checking out other blogs but I'm treading water; as you all know.

One sweet blog friend asked me about love languages with my girls and for the first time, I really delved into how each is different and what each needs. Then, I looked at myself as well.

For me, my love languages revolve around verbal and physical.  My husband has no idea how easy I am when it comes to flipping my frowns, worries, fears, etc. into pure joy and happiness.  We've talked about it but I'm sure it seems silly to him because it wouldn't have the same affect on him.  Quite frankly, phrases like, "I love you" and "I miss you" and "I wish I was with you right now", completely erase any and all doubts I ever have about his feelings toward me.  He can say these things 100 times a day and no matter what is going on, I believe him every time like it's the first time he's said it.  Magical.  Sadly, if he doesn't say them for awhile (two days is awhile, lol), I start to question if he changed his mind and then I read everything he says and does as him trying to figure out how to leave me. CRAZY... never said I wasn't. Sigh.

Anyway, the other thing that works for me is nicknames - LOVE THEM.  Eric calls me Sweet Pea, and Honey, and Sweetheart, and Amy Lynn, and My Little Phatty, and the list goes on.  Fantastic.  Oh, and when I'm floundering with non-Eric related things in my world, it's the hard line HOH statements that bring me great joy.  "Amy Lynn, get your ass out of bed right NOW or my belt will be waking you up when I get home."  Okay, he's never actually said that, but things like that.  "Do you need a spanking?"  "Amy Lynn, I'm about to redden that ass."  Things like that.

Then, the physical side of my love language.  I relax during massages and having my head rubbed, hair brushed, gentle and seductive kisses all over.  I also love to be spanked, hair pulled, rough sex, bound and beaten (not overly extreme but, you know)... played with.  And I LOVE holding hands, everywhere we go.

My daughter does not like to be touched.  And if I verbally compliment or tell her I love her, she gets very uncomfortable and pushes me away.  In the past two days, I realize she feels love through acts of service and through quality time.  When I make her a sandwich or put gas in her car, she feels very loved but lately, only if she asks me to do it.  If I do it on my own, she gets angry and questions whether I think she is incapable of doing anything on her own.  She also has specific things she does with each person in our family that she would rather not do with anyone else.  She only watches movies with one sibling, while she'll do road trips with the other.  With her Dad, she golfs but with her Aunt, she does yoga.  Of course there are times when we all do these things together but she very much prefers the one-on-one in certain situations.

Anyway, I'm learning.  The best news about being told that a lot of the dire thoughts in her head stem from her interpretation of what I'm saying to her is, I can change how I say things to her.  Yesterday I spent a few hours alone with my youngest daughter.  I realized during that time that her interpretation of the same things I say to her sisters is very healthy and very different than the child who is struggling, yet it's the same words.  Something to ponder.  Also, the youngest daughter's love languages are the same as mine so in just a matter of a few hours she said, "I love you Mom" three times and then at lunch, practically sat on top of me in the booth.  My feelings of being loved spilled over after ten days of feeling rejected and responsible.

So, again I thank you all for everything you share.  I do feel the love from you and am sending hugs your way.  Though I am standing back and not pushing anything as much as I possibly can, this weekend I will focus on filling my daughters love languages by giving her the space for quality time with everyone around us, as well as taking the quality time she is offering to me without pressing the matters that are nagging at me. (Where are you going to live? Are you going back to school?  What about work?)  The thing is, my daughter thinks I'm looking for specific answers to these questions and she's got this idea that she'll never live up to my expectations but this is where I'd like to say, "No honey.  I have these questions because I want you to choose a safe place that you want to live and I'd like to help you get moved in before I go back home or take you with me if you want to live at home.  I want you to register for classes before the semester starts in two weeks if you want to go back or if you don't want to go back, no worries about the pending deadlines.  And, I want you to let me know how you plan to pay for living expenses so if you need help for awhile, I can figure out a way to get you what you need while you are working with the psychologist on becoming independent and joyful." 

I wait..... but it's all on the tip of my tongue.

Amy