I've spent quite a bit of time reflecting on Wednesday night. Eric and I were finally back together, with ten days of normal ahead of us. We each had expectations about how the reunion would go but then, the doorbell rang. (If you missed my last post, pop back here so you can catch up before moving forward.) The highly anticipated romantic evening became a full blown disciplinary session and somebody got sent to bed early. (Yes, me. It wasn't him! LOL)
Pre-ttwd: Eric would have heard the same story from our neighbor and would have had the same reaction, emotionally. However, he would have had no place to put those feelings other than in a wad at the base of his gut. He is not a yeller so it's not like he would have screamed at me. He might have said some unkind words like, "How could you be so stupid?!" and then he would have walked out to calm down and get over it. He'd stop talking to me for a few days and would ignore my pleas, texts, calls, etc.
Pre-ttwd: I would have been crushed that Eric called me stupid and then when he left, quit talking, and shut down, I would be devastated until the one, two, or three days passed and we finally spoke about it. I would feel terribly guilty for drinking while on my medication, would convince myself Eric was going to leave me or didn't love me anymore, and I'd be a basket case.
ttwd freedom: When emotions run high, people need to take action. Eric took the emotions he would have bottled up in the past and very calmly let them go while dishing out a spanking, corner time, and early bedtime. He made his point, got a physical release, and was able to end the "conversation" with a show of his love and affection for me.
I, on the other hand, got called on the carpet for not taking care of myself. The actual spanking was NOT enjoyable but I got the point and even more so, understood where Eric was coming from. The aftermath was incredible. Yes, lesson learned, but beyond that, I had no lingering guilt, never felt unloved or like I was stupid. Instead, I realized very quickly that I made a mistake, I paid for it, I was worth taking the time to set straight, and I am loved. Then it was over. A thing of our past. Something that neither of us was holding onto anymore.
Some couples use domestic discipline as a way to control what one or the other partner does or doesn't do but for us, ttwd is not about control. It's about freedom. Freedom to express our feelings. Freedom to let go of some emotions. Freedom to make mistakes and work through them quickly and efficiently. It's an amazing feeling, being so close and having such freedom tying us together.