Saturday, August 19, 2017

Eric didn't make me wait any longer

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I am the Queen of giving 100% to everything,
and then with nothing left, losing myself in the mix.

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I love so deeply, the threat of being hurt often
causes me to push away what I need the most.

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Eric did what I asked and left me with
the pain inside overshadowing
the love I have for him.

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When you peel back the layers,
who do you see?
I'm in here, wanting to come out.
Fear of rejection traps me.

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Eric called today.  He spent almost two hours
on the phone with me.  We agreed that neither
of us liked how we left things.  He said, "You
have so much on your plate, when you took me
off it, I figured you needed whatever break you
could get so I gave it to you."

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I said, "Being away from you is never a break.
When I push you away, it's because I'm afraid
you won't be there when I look for you and
that you will hurt me."

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Thank you Bloggers for being there for me, him, us.
I've got a few things I need to focus on now.
Eric will be back the 28th but made it clear,
"nothing has changed" from where he stands.

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Now that I can let go of the feeling that things are not
right between us, I can do what needs to
be done to make everyone else, including me, better.

Image result for I am confident when I feel loved

Amy

14 comments:

  1. That's an absolutely beautiful conclusion!
    --Baker

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    1. I'm going to print it out and put it on my bathroom mirror. Need a daily reminder for now.
      Amy

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  2. Hi Amy, Thank goodness for that! I hope everything will be a bit better by the time Eric comes home
    love Jan, xx

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    1. Thank you Jan. That's a good way to think about the days he is gone. Rather than wallow in missing him, I can pick out the improvements around here to share when he gets back. That will help me focus on the positives and will have him come home to a list of good things rather than his anxious scared wife.
      Amy

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  3. I'm so sorry to read that you've been having a really hard time. It's difficult enough when they are away but when you have other major things to deal with on top of that life becomes extremely stressful. I'm glad that you've heard from him and from his end all is the same. Just knowing that gives you the breathing space to move on. It won't be long before you are back in his arms. Take care.

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    1. Thank you Laurel. Eight days and he'll be home. That won't solve any of the other issues I'm dealing with but at least I'll have him here to help me through. I think I need to figure out some ways to prevent myself from having every single conversation about my fears and anxiety. Of course he is being supportive every time I cry to him but then there are never the positives between us. I'm sure we will both handle things better if I remember to take time away from this drama even if only to say, how was your day? I've been thinking of you. I love you... Life sure can bowl you over quickly. This will pass. Amy

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  4. Amy,
    Happy that you have heard from him. Things will smooth out. It is always hard to be apart. Take care and practice self-care.
    Meredith

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  5. I went to the gym this morning and am considering a nap. Having a good day here so I'm taking a little time for me. Hugs.
    Amy

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  6. It's so, so hard to be apart! I'm glad it will soon be over :) Hang in there, almost done.

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  7. Seven days, but who is counting. I don't like thinking about it. It hurts. Whether it should or not is irrelevant, it just does.
    Amy

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  8. I am way behind here and reading out of order...but glad to hear all has worked out...altho it does not surprise me. I tend to shut down when overwhelmed and my voices get louder...never a good thing.
    hugs abby

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  9. I'm such a mess right now, even the voices in my head are confused! It's like I'm in a Twilight Zone. Lost. Completely and utterly lost.
    Amy

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  10. Amy, I have been trying to find your blog forever. Everytime I clicked on your name it took me to google plus.

    I clearly do have some reading to do. I am so sorry you have been in pain. I hope when he returns you let Him in and be your strength. Hugs!

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  11. I have a hard time with that darn Google Plus too!
    Amy

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