Saturday, March 4, 2017

A question... what would your husband think?

Hi Bloggers,

I asked, begged actually, Eric to keep me accountable about not eating candy.  I made it almost three months without eating any, though we had many conversations about it and at the end of one, agreed I could have a dark chocolate covered apricot once in awhile.

Last night, I ate a caramel. No conversation. No thought.  Just bought it at the register and devoured it.  Am actually surprised it happened that way; that it happened at all.  I was so tired and it was a long night of studying and .... that's not my question.

Eric is out of town.  We've talked twice since last night and I didn't mention it.  I blogged it yesterday. Figured he'll see it when he sees it and then we will talk about it.

The question:  Is that a dumb idea?  Should I be telling him before he's back next week?  Is he going to be more upset that he read about it or will it be better so he can think about it before he is back?

What would your husband's think? Say? Do?

I'm starting to question more than my lack of resistance for the candy.  Just give me your thoughts.  I figure I have until Friday to do the right thing if this is not it.

Image result for wax paper caramel



  1. Amy I'd come clean and tell him next time you're talking to him. You have to be honest and not tell lies. Not telling him is the equivalent of telling a huge fib. Be brave tell him and face the consequences.
    Good luck.

    Hugs Lindy xx

    1. I'll tell him next time we talk. Wasn't trying to keep anything from him. Just don't think this was a big deal but at the same time, know I promised to discuss reaching for sugar beforehand. A little oops. Amy

  2. This is difficult to answer as I am not you and Barney is not Eric. That being said this is how my thought process would most likely play out, I would as myself, why do I feel the need to confess? Do I need to confess because I feel guilty? because I am disappointed in myself? Is it because I want him to notice? Do I want him to react-if that is the reason behind my confession- that would be one I'd need to think on.

    Confessing (which has never been a strong suit of mine) can indeed be a good thing- if done for the right reasons. If done to 'force the hand' or with expectation of something from the other- well that is something to think on as well.

    Okay so once I had figured my true intention behind the need to confess I'd ask this of myself, Why did I come clean in a blog post? Is it because I am actually too embarrassed to say it out loud or is there another reason?

    Getting to the point of Eric not saying anything,there could be a hundred reasons,the first of which is that he didn't read it. It could be that he feels forced to react and is resentful (not basing that on your husband, but others I knows). It could be that he feels 3 months in ONE slip up is not a big deal. OR it could be that he didn't create this rule, so he doesn't feel it necessary to put a high priority on it. Helping you (in a general term here) is important to many "HoH's/Doms" but the fact can remain that when push comes to shove rules/goals set out by the TiH/sub sometimes aren't followed through on consistently because the one in charge did not create them to begin with.

    ANYWHO.....When I read this post I felt compelled to answer for one main reason- expectation and disappointment. I have seen it happen countless times, even in my own life, a sub breaks a rule and the expectation of what he is going to do or could do can become far greater in their head vs the reality of the situation. It is a slippery slope and sometimes one the 'Dom' can't control. The thought of how the scenario will be played out in the 'sub's' mind is a losing battle for them- again NOT saying this is Eric, but if it could be, don't set both of you up for grave disappointment.


    1. I'm telling you girl, go get your psychology degree. You are very talented at getting people to look deep inside and ask the right questions of themselves.

      As for this little ditty, I don't believe the candy was a big deal. If I really look at the intention behind consequences for eating sugar, it was never about what I put in my mouth but more about preventing me from slipping into self destructive patterns of Five Hour Energy Shots, gorging on crap to "feel better" for the moment, etc. I've done really well about reaching out to Eric to let him know how I'm feeling rather than reaching for any of those self medicating items. It's a stressful time for both of us right now but step by step, we are moving forward.

      My expectation is actually that this little piece of candy will not result in consequences but rather that we will have a conversation about the build up of deadlines for me. Don't get me wrong, I'd love a reset right now and would welcome a good old fashioned trip over his knee to clear my head and keep me going but a punishment spanking? Not really.

      Why post it? Integrity and keeping my word is a core value of mine. Yes, I would feel guilty if I kept it from him, even though it is not a big deal. I promised to let him know if I slipped, not because I expect him to react but because he is helping me to stay above ground this semester. Last fall, I really tanked physically because of a number of things that wound me up. We both want this semester to go more smoothly.

      Eric might be back Friday or it could be another week before I see him. The good news is, I didn't have the candy and then start buying, craving, needing more of it. My only disappointment is in not telling him before I did it but again, the intent behind the rule is still intact.

      Have a wonderful Sunday and thanks for all of your thoughts. Keeps me on my toes. Why do I do what I do? :)


  3. Replies
    1. Actually months. I started in December and on January 9, Eric and I agreed as to a way to keep me accountable. Somehow, I think this transgression doesn't count. Amy

  4. Amy:
    I'm a husband. Honesty is always the best policy.


  5. For me, telling would be the better option. Being totally open to Him has not happened easily, and neither one of us wants to take a step back...altho it does happen. Also, I have found that once I fess up, I can stop obsessing over it, since usually I have this same discussion with myself when I am away wearing my grandma hat. hugs abby

  6. I wrote it in a blog and left it on a message yesterday. Eric is in a different time zone so we won't actually talk until this afternoon. You sure are right about one thing - this little nothing event has grown in my head, on this blog and even invaded my dreams last night. Sheesh. Amy


Thank you for reading! Thank you even more, if you decide to comment. :)