Sunday, November 6, 2016

When to Breathe

Just a girl
Waking under a siege of adrenaline dumps, anxiety and fear
It's 3 in the morning
What is wrong with me?

I carry on at work
Manage the finances
Care for a child
Empathy traps me in a world of pain

School keeps me busy
Writing papers, taking tests
It's close to the end
Does any of this matter to anyone but me?

Mind,
like a swirling bees nest,
full of thoughts that won't settle down
I wish I could relax but I'm frantic, again

You meet me there,
blue eyes intently drilling my brain
Wooden rod in your hand,
determination on your face.

"Next time you question,"
your words are stern and true,
"Start with this. I LOVE YOU.
Now turn toward the wall."

Two strikes on the left
Four on the right
There will be marks this time
I spin and land in your arms

I'm crying
This doesn't happen. Ever.
We are out of time
You squeeze me tight enough that time disappears

The tears stop
Anxiety gone
Calm has returned
As you sketch a red heart on my ass

I apologize
for being so difficult to raise
I am grateful
for you in my life

I want to play and thrive
Drain the past and run forward with you
"Keep your eye on the prize"
The adventure between us is boundless

You are squared away
Confident and solid
I'm intrigued and in awe
Fascinated by you

Hold my hand
Share the fantasy
Experience passionately
Let me know when to breathe

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