Friday, November 25, 2016

Find peace, my love

There was a time
in the beginning of our relationship
when I thought it best we went our separate ways.

We talked about it over lunch
and Eric was surprised that he teared up at the thought of it.

We agreed to meet
and again, his eyes watered as emotions overcame him.

The third time we discussed it, Eric bought me a large leather journal
and we said I would fill it before we could talk again.
His eyes were filled with tears when we said goodbye
and I wrote for over two months,
never getting to the end of that book and giving in, promising never to be apart again.

Years have gone by
and this week, when Eric looks into my eyes
his fill with tears once more.

I've seen this before.
Eric does this when he is saying goodbye to someone he loves.
It catches him off guard
and he can't verbalize it
to himself
let alone, to me.

There is so much Eric isn't saying
and now he's gone
on a one man pilgrimage
searching for something
that he can't
or won't
divulge.

I wait
my heart in my throat
while I silently plead with the universe
that while he's away
the answers come
so he can breathe
and find peace.

Find peace, my love.

Amy

8 comments:

  1. OMGoodness Amy tell me you haven't separated?????? That would be devastating! Hope Eric is just away on yet another business trip.
    Thinking of you and sending positive vibes.

    Hugs Lindy x

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    1. Oh my Lindy, no. Eric isn't being any different with me. I'm sorry if I wrote this in such a way to lead you to that conclusion. This trip isn't business but I wouldn't call it pleasure either. Eric is visiting places from his heritage and he's just had a birthday; somehow the two seem to be tied. He is searching for something but while a woman would say the 1000 possible things that could be plaguing her heart, he remains stoic and marches along his path leaving me to wonder how to help him through whatever it is and hoping he's not gone too long. Thank you for the positive vibes and for reaching out. As far as I know, this is not about me. He needs something. Sadly, I can't find the answer for him. I'd do anything to help him but I wouldn't know where to start. Amy

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  2. I have no idea what is going on, so if this comment is way off base, just toss it aside.

    Year two of ttwd (which for us was still very much only Dd) Barney started to discover things about himself, his past, etc. that he had to come to grips with. To be honest there are many parts of himself, the things he likes, the emotions that he feels that he still has to reconcile every once and a while. These can be very difficult and unsettling times~ especially for me. After all a man's self reflection doesn't manifest itself the same way a woman's generally does.

    Eric has proven to you time and time again that he isn't going anywhere, and I am sure in your heart you know that too. I hope whatever answers he seeks, or whatever bits he has discovered come to him, and settle within him..

    willie

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    1. Hi Willie,
      I don't believe this has anything to do with me or even our relationship. Eric is battling something internally and I think he's got to get out in the world and find the answer he's looking for. Of course, I've gone in a million directions because I do have a female mind. My biggest fear is that someone is dying and selfishly I hope it's not him. Simply, he could just be dealing with another birthday and a look at where he's come from and questions about where to go next. I really don't know. We've talked a bit and he's said I'm a "very smart girl" when I've babbled on about what I see. However, he's also extremely protective of me and there are things going on I know he has chosen not to share. I do not like seeing him feel off balance and that is what this is coming across as. It's like the weight of the world is on his shoulders but he can't find a way to fix it. He's a worker. Have a problem? Work more and solve it. Whatever he's struggling with, he can't solve. I'll wait in the wings, reaching out just enough so he knows I'm here. I too hope that whatever he finds settles within him.
      Amy

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  3. Replies
    1. Appreciate it Blondie. I'm good. I know he'll find what he's looking for. He's just that kind of guy.
      Amy

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