Wednesday, July 6, 2016

Why do I need permission so badly?

I am a grown woman.

I have a job, attend school, gave birth to children and raised them.

I make my own money, maintain our home.

I don't cook, yet somehow I always manage to eat.

I would say I am independent, intelligent and not so pretty (though some would differ).
Seems I'm not so smart after-all. (Ha ha. Bologna in my shoes.)

I have loads of responsibility, many that I inflict upon myself,
because I enjoy growing and thriving and doing and giving and sharing and loving.

I am perfectly capable of handling everything in the world on my own, so there.

"Go to bed, Amy."
"You can cum now. I want you to have a good cum tonight Amy."
"Stop it."
"Yes, you may."
"Do something for you."
"Get your homework done, young lady."
"You are not doing that thing that will tank you that isn't about you that you won't say no to."

I melt.

Sometimes, it's just so nice to be told to do what deep down you really want to do.

"Go get my belt, young lady. I'm going to redden that ass."

Yes, yes, yes.



  1. Hopefully some day you will no longer feel the need to classify yourself as all of those things above to yourself. Not that you shouldn't be, just that 98% of the women I know in ttwd ARE all of those things. You will be much more content when you actually feel that being in a submissive role in your relationship doesn't mean you are weak, or brainless, or dependent to the point you can't function.

    Allowing my submissive side to flourish has given me a strength I have never known before. It doesn't mean I don't have the ability to be fiercely just means I want to let my husband in in all aspects of my life, not matter how minute the detail may seem to be. It doesn't mean I am brainless and can't function or make decisions on my own. It merely means I feel less alone in this cruel world when he contributes to my thought process or takes a few things off of my plate.

    When being TOLD what to do, it just reinforces our dynamic. I hesitate to say 'just' however. It is crucial. Many times it is for my own good, either physically or emotionally. I can make those decisions on my own, but often I bypass me....knowing HE won't is a wonderful feeling. Cultivating our dynamic through restrictions and commands is also SEXY AS HELL! lol

    Enjoy Amy. Continue to embrace who you are becoming through your dynamic. I'd hazard a guess you aren't losing any of those traits you listed, rather growing in different areas.


    1. Your guess is correct. I'm not losing any of those traits. As a matter of fact, because I can let go of them when I get home, I find they are stronger in my public/working world. I think my mistake is in thinking I need to be one or the other. The reality is, I have both sides. I love making decisions, being the go-to girl and have responsibility. Yet the beauty of my strong and trusted partner stepping in and taking it all off my shoulders for a bit is heavenly and agreed, "SEXY AS HELL". The more overloaded I get, the less attention I pay to my own needs. It is very nice having someone reel me back into caring about myself again. Amy

  2. I second everything willie said, but I will add...

    Maybe the why of it doesn't really matter. Maybe it was rooted in me because I was born on a Sunday in June...
    It's just who we are--it is another facet of what makes us whole. There is absolutely nothing wrong with like it, wanting it, and needing it. If you're like me, and I think you are, it is food for the soul, a means of making the most out of life...a way to feel alive. Really alive.
    It takes a strong person to step outside the box that society created, don't underestimate that.

    1. Misty! That is so well said. I love your last line. Thank you. Amy

  3. I think everybody likes to know somebody is paying attention to their needs. Sounds like he is paying such close attention that he recognizes your deepest needs and wants you to have them. I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting someone to know you that intimately. I think it's a wonderful thing, actually.

    1. Thank you. That is very kind and if I didn't know better, I'd think you'd talked directly to Eric. He has told me often that he studies me so he can fill my deepest needs and desires. Amy

  4. Well let me put my two cents in. There are probably a few reasons why you need permission. The first is that you and Eric have decided to have a marriage like this. Eric is the head of the house and thus he is the one who makes the decisions that are best for your household.
    Another thing I would say is that it feels good to have someone else making be in charge. I have known many women who were Presidents of a large corporation but when they get home, they give it all to their husband. It feels so good to be taken care of.
    The sexual part, well that just sounds like fun. I love when Ty controls my orgasm, it is part of our D/s in the bedroom. I don't like being called a young lady but I do like it (in the bedroom) when he says things like "good girl".
    If you disagree with something he tells you to do or denies permission for something you want to do, I am sure that after you have done what he has said, you can speak to him, respectfully, and explain your reasons for not liking his decision. Eric should listen and respect your feelings. He may or may not change the decision for the future but at least he listened.
    Remember, this relationship is mutually agreed upon and if you are really having a problem with it, talk to Eric (respectfully) and figure out if there is another way to do it.
    I think you are really happy with your marriage being this way and that, maybe, you needed to vent because there was a situation that you didn't want to ask permission for. Like me being in the store and having to call Ty for permission to spend more than I allowed to. I am sure everyone felt sorry for me and I felt really embarrassed. I did get permission, especially because he was so proud of me for asking him first, not after the fact.
    Vent anytime, complain anytime, and feel free to turn down other people's comments. I think that you are great and I even learn from your posts.
    And I am so glad that I didn't take any summer school classes, I am tired of homework. Lol

    1. You know what, when I really think about it, I only have two problems with it. I know Eric fell in love with me because of the strong independent side of me. When he "takes charge", especially over things that have nothing to do with romance, our relationship or sex, I fear that I'm coming across as weak to him and in turn, he will no longer find me attractive. My other problem with it is, the more he gets involved in the dictatorship of my free time or time at home (neither of us would ever do this in my job or school life - it just wouldn't suit us), the more I crave it and the more I want it. It is so nice to not be doing it all on my own. As for "Young lady" or "Good girl", I would be completely offended if anyone else referred to me in such a way but when it's Eric, my mental, emotional and physical lights go on and I'm on my way to the moon. I can't get enough. And then, when he calls me his bad girl. Oh! Phenomenal. Amy

    2. Love how you know yourself, good job. And I agree that if you became someone other than Eric married (like becoming meek and dependent) he wouldn't like it. And I admire your relationship the two of you have. We still need to meet up in San Francisco some day.

    3. Funny, Eric said the same thing on Friday, about me knowing myself... yet deep down, I feel so unsure of who I am. You two see me at the core. How is that? Anyway, yes to San Fran. Looking forward to it!

  5. Asking for permissions did not come naturally for me...I had been independent and in charge of just about everything when I met Master. After the initial struggle, what a sense of relief it gave not always be the 'in charge' one. To have a very safe place to just be, to totally trust someone enough to let them be in lead, to know that He has taken the time and work...lots of really get to me, to treasure me, to take care of me, to want what is best for me....all of these and why I ask for permission.
    hugs abby

    1. Abby, The greatest thing Eric has done for me in life, is take the time to study me. He knows me better than I know myself and like Master, he does treasure me. He's my biggest cheerleader. I love him so much but my silly brain gets caught up in details that when left aside, have no relevance on our relationship. I find that Eric giving me permission or telling me to do certain things allows me to have some real peace in my life. However, if I don't get off this blog and get to some of the chores I have this weekend, that "Peace" is going to vanish pretty quick! Thanks for your thoughts. Amy


Thank you for reading! Thank you even more, if you decide to comment. :)