Thursday, July 28, 2016


I've never felt so close to Eric as I do today.

He challenged me to let go of some of the negative voices in my head.

He spanked me in the kitchen with the cheese board to clear my mind.

Then up to our room, he stripped me of all clothing and pulling out his favorite leather strap, had me lay across his lap.

"Tell me what you hear in your head, the things that haunt you, and let me help you let them go."

At the risk of being, I can't say vulnerable because we are all learning it's not the most accurate choice of words... at the risk of being ridiculed or rejected in such a raw state, I threw caution aside and just said the words that are trapped in my brain.

Eric talked a lot, in between every hard slap of stiff folded leather.

"Let it go, honey," he said over and over. "Don't allow the past or other people to control who you are or who you want to be."

He whipped my bottom until I said the words, "I'm letting it go." and then he rubbed my back and hair while I cried into the carpeted floor.

Eric sat me on his lap and held me like a small child.  I buried my face in his neck and allowed his strength to engulf my quivering everything.

"I know there is more," he stated, forcing my gaze to meet his. "We can't remove it all today but I think you can take another thing off your mind."

I nodded, unable to speak, as he gently put me over his knee once again.  More words.  More pain flowing from my lips.

The leather strap was relentless until I gave and released the ache in my heart. Back on Eric's lap and in his arms, he untangled countless hours I've lost worrying about things that will never come to pass.

Eric kissed and caressed me, cradled and comforted me, and then he took me to the closet for one last round with his weapon.  Hands overhead, holding on tight, Eric lashed out with quick succinct blows to each cheek until I couldn't take another strike. My ass was red and on fire. He moved to my back, deep cutting swats across my shoulder blades, igniting my sexuality.

In front of the mirror, I viewed a crimson behind as Eric filled my head with his view of the girl in his arms.

"You are so pretty. You are so smart. You carry yourself with such confidence."

I worry that hearing of my past will scare him away.  After three and a half years, he questions why he wouldn't have already gone.

"I'm not going to cut and run," he spoke with surefire conviction in his voice.

On the bed, I spread my ass cheeks to him and his cock made it's way deep inside. He filled me perfectly and rode me hard, pulling my hair and banging his hips into mine. He knew, with every thrust, I would believe his words and feel his love more intensely, more passionately.

I came.  I'm sure I was more verbal than usual.

He flipped me over and came on my stomach; silky white liquid pulsating all over my skin while I looked at his cock nestled above the soft tuft of hair at my crotch. Before dressing,  he drew the infamous sharpie heart on my right cheek.

Eric bought a bracelet tonight, for me to wear as a visual reminder of our relationship yesterday, today and tomorrow; without the clutter of the outside world or my manufactured insecurities.  His job is changing and we will see each other very little in August.  I am not going to let this scare me. Our bond is stronger than that.

I have never felt closer to Eric than I do today, right now.

Help me hold onto this feeling.

Amy, simply in love.


  1. Glad Eric can help you deal with your past demons. Its wonderful our our men know how to do that and take care of us. I feel more confident now after Bear took care of my demons. Good luck! Hope you move forward now and leave them in the past.
    Hugs Lindy

    1. Thank you Lindy. So often I feel like I'm moving leaps and bounds ahead of where I was and other times it seems I'm in slow motion of even moving backwards. I guess the key is putting "one step in front of the other"... isn't that from a song? Love that song! Hugs to you and Bear. Amy

  2. It took me a long time...too believe Master when He would tell me...I am here for the long run, I am here to stay. Glad that Eric knows how to deal with your demons...insecurities...remember breathe and remember how much He loves you every day that he is gone...
    hugs abby

    1. Hi Abby, This was an interesting day because I physically and emotionally felt closer to Eric than I've ever felt before but then timing would have it, not a few hours later, his job crashed in a bit and we are going to be apart a lot more. Rather than panic, Eric has been unwavering in his declaration that we will get through this together. I've been dreading a trip he's about to take and now it looks like it may last a lot longer than we anticipated but based on the conviction in his voice, I'm feeling a lot more confident than before all the local the drama. I can wait out any smalldickmotherfucker who screws with us as long as I know it is US who will battle through it together. Eric is my all time best friend and lover; couldn't imagine a better husband for me. All of our pieces fit; the crooked and the straight ones. Lots of deep breaths. I had to fake my way through a five hour business dinner with his coworkers Friday night, like I didn't want to lash out at everyone in the company, but I held my own and learned a few things that will benefit us in the long run. Time can be healing for the parts that suck and when you are unconditionally in love, time apart can and will make the heart grow even fonder. I say, let's dance with those smalldickmotherfuckers. Eric only needs to hold onto this job a few more years and then we can open whatever door we choose to step through. People survive long distance relationships all of the time; as long as they stay committed to each other. I am committed and his words and actions tell me the same. Being apart is not my first choice but it's really not his either. Golden handcuffs - not my favorite handcuff but what we live with today. Thanks for being there, my friend. How was your trip?! Amy


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