Tuesday, February 16, 2016

49% Dwindles to 9% for Three Weeks: HOH Maintenance Trial

"Write it, so you remember and can look back if you forget."

Eric is home one tenth of the time he used to be, now that he's basically doing the job of two.

I'm bouncing all over the place,

                                   brain on overload;

work (full time),

                      school (what was I thinking),

                                                        kids (I thought they went to college to be "independent"),

homework (procrastination city),

                                         housework (HA!),

                                                              girls weekend (so much better than housework),

blog (so much better than homework).

Eric called to tell me that it could be four extra days before he gets back.

I pouted, I whined, I complained, I gritted my teeth and pretended to be supportive.
We both discovered I'm not good at pretending to be supportive.

"Life is getting in the way right now," Eric stated as a simple matter-of-fact. "You just started a new semester and until you get in the routine of it all, you're going to get yourself all wound up and I won't be home enough to give you timely resets."

We've always been partners. Eric has been the most supportive person I've ever had in my life and I value and cherish that aspect of our relationship immensely. At the same time, I make decisions all day, everyday, and I get burned out on it and just want my man to step in and take some of the burden off of me.

For three weeks, we are going to try something new. Eric's schedule is so sporadic right now, it can change on a dime. Every day that he is home over the next twenty-one days, he will be performing "maintenance", which could be anywhere from a ton to none.

"I'm going to be the full 100% HOH though," he warned. "You'll have to follow directions and there will be consequences if and when you don't. Am I clear, young lady?"

Of course I said yes. I mean, that's what we've been doing, pretty much. Right? Uh. Right?

On the way to class, I left Eric a message of about thirty things I wanted him to do. After class, I found a couple of phone messages from him. They started like this...

"Hi Honey. I got your list. Ran out of ink I was trying to write so fast. You want this, you need that... it went on for an entire message. You know I would do absolutely anything for you Sweetheart so tonight we are going to clear your mind a bit and see how well you follow directions. As soon as you get home, wear the large plug for 30 minutes. I mean it. The full thirty. You can do whatever you need to do during that time, but you keep it in for a half hour straight. I also want you to blog tonight and the whole time you are writing, I want clothes pins attached to your labia. I'll call you in the morning and we can discuss your first night. Remember, I'm doing this out of love and to help you clear your mind."

Hmmm.

My mind is not clear. It's just focused on the plug and two incredibly painful clothes pins pinching the heck out of me. I've got the urge to fight all of this but I promised to give it a shot. The half hour is almost up, I am developing an aversion to laundry and I've written this post.

Not to sound like a brat, but are you happy Eric? Ugh. Wouldn't it be easier if you just quit your job and spent some time at home with me?! Grrrr.  I told you, I'm all in but I really don't see how this is going to be even remotely close to having you here.

Good night.
Amy        

10 comments:

  1. Oh dear, it all sounds a bit difficult at the minute. I have no idea how to help you but you have my sympathy
    love Jan,xx

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  2. Amy hang in there. Eric will be home before you know it. Stay positive.
    Hugs Lindy

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    1. I am surprisingly upbeat. Thanks for the encouragement. Amy

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  3. Well SITTING with the plug in is worse silly! You should be doing laundry with it in. Trust me it gets easier. Your mind will start to remember him with it in, but it won't be the ONLY thing on your mind.

    I hope this works for you, I really do. My concern is your mind will become so enthralled with this when he is home that it could potentially be worse again when he leaves. Of course somethings gotta give right? But if you do find that happens remember I told you it might- NOT in an 'I told you so" sort of way, but in a " okay this is a normal reaction, I am not needy or unique ".

    Best of luck
    willie

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    1. My past is pretty rocky and we are both afraid of me getting overly "enthralled" as you put it. I can't get to a place where I think I can't live/function without Eric. At the same time, what he is trying to do is not so he can control me so much as to put me back in control of everything that is on my plate. Amy

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  4. Absences are so difficult. I think that if you give this a few days it will help, it is a time when you are not making the decisions, the plug, the pins, they are for your body...your mind will (hopefully) follow. He know you...
    good luck....
    hugs abby

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    1. Sometimes I think he knows me better than I know myself. You nailed it. Amy

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  5. The absence is not easy, I am sure, but you have quite a set of tasks to move you towards a better focus! I wish you both patience and great communication through it all!!!!!

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    1. Ahhh yes, patience. The virtue I was born without. Thanks Pearl. Amy

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