Friday, August 14, 2015

What do you think about DD Boot Camp or Maintenance Spankings?

Hi All,

I'm trying to let go and let Eric take the lead.

Yesterdays spanking was the most "freeing" and probably the first time I truly let myself be guided by what was in his mind rather than trying to have him do it "my way".  Not easy.  My way is what I am used to and though I want things to be different, it's hard to trust and let go.

The conversation I'd like to have with him is.... would a boot camp or maintenance type of thing be a better way to get us used to having him take on a stronger role in this?  We honestly NEVER considered either because this lifestyle to us was more of a support role for the things I was trying to achieve in my life.  Kind of a reset for when I get overwhelmed.  However, as we progress, it's the incredible intimacy we both feel when he can take me in hand that is growing the love between us and it is the letting go of the stress of having to do everything myself that is providing the greatest relief.

How did you let go?  How did he take that lead?  And boot camp?  Maintenance?  Yes?  No?

Thanks!!

Amy

5 comments:

  1. To be honest, I think he's doing very well. What he did yesterday was his choice, done in his timing. We women desperately like to direct how things might go and yeah, the most educational experience is when they take charge in a way that catches us a bit off guard, thereby allowing us to let go on their terms and not necessarily how we envision it.

    We have practiced one form of "maintenance" or another for many years. It was at one time twice a week, whether we needed it or not. What we learned over time was that I rarely do things that require punishment so waiting for me to earn one was silly. Don't get me wrong. It can happen but it's to be avoided as we both hate those. I still get strung out though. Cranky, flustered, bossy, controlling, snappy. I can go for about a week till my husband declares it is time and I get a "because you need it" spanking. The thing is that it took him years to learn how to pay close enough attention in order to call that accurately and then follow through. He still misses it sometimes when he's being lazy. As he has grown and I've let go and responded our connection has grown deeper. So...call it what you will, but choosing a way to practice was good for us. There's this tricky balance in telling Eric what you need, what works and then letting it be so he can lead. It's really tough and in my experience that toughness can last a few years. Maybe start with telling him what your head went through yesterday. Encourage him by letting him see how much he did right.

    As to boot camp...never done it and holds no interest for us. If you do, I'd encourage you to come up with your own ideas for what that looks like. I can say more if you are interested but enough rambling for now.

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    1. Hi Susie, Thank you for all of the "rambling" which is very insightful and helpful to both of us. I read your blog site. We have a lot in common and it's nice to know I'm not the only one. Please say more. We appreciate it!
      Amy

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  2. I agree with Susie....she does get bossy and cranky inside of a week...Ooops...I mean that Eric is doing JUST fine on his own.

    We don't do maintenance, we do what we refer to as resets. Basically like you started out thinking, when I would get a bit crusty, or shut down. The as needed spanking before a full out punishment is required. Initially we started these types of spankings because Barney had never spanked before. We'd do spankings and then talk about them constructively after...ie the effectiveness etc... Also because, unlike Susie I AM an angel so there was very little opportunity for Barney to do punishment spankings alone. It helped us very much.

    That being said at the moment, Eric seems to not to have an issue with spanking for punishments. I would only suggest then if you think you need more ( and really this isn't unusual for women who first start out in ttwd) talk to Eric about how some people find the benefit with regular spankings...but keep in mind you also don't want him to feel like you have become a chore. AND ultimately the decision is up to him.

    As far as boot camp, we have never done them either. I understand why some women like the idea, to 'kick start' their husband's HOHyness. But again Eric seems to be holding up very well on his own. I will tell you I asked a friend weeks after they did a boot camp how things were going. I said to her " Because I think if he wasn't as 'on' as he was during boot camp I would feel discouraged, and say to myself, 'but you did it two weeks ago...I know you can'." She said that is exactly what has happened the several times they have attempted boot camp. You can't rush some things. Some things just need to evolve on their own.

    Good luck
    willie

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  3. Hello Willie!

    Have you figured out patience is not the virtue that I have been blessed with? I'm sure Eric is right on track but I'm antsy as all get out. Not one to sit still, not one to take time, and not one to wait things out. It's hard letting it be "his call" but admittedly, he calls it pretty well. Amy

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  4. People give all kinds of different labels to "maintenance" spankings, but to my mind they all come down to one simple thing. Essentially they are quite literally a case of "maintaining" the individual relationship by attending to whatever aspect or aspects are in need of attention at any one time.

    That could be anything from stress relief, through keeping you on track, to small matters of discipline that need to be nipped in the bud. Since needs will vary greatly from relationship to relationship so too will the reasons and nature of "maintenance".

    I do think that is important that both of you not only accept but also understand the reasons why you are doing it, that you are on the same page where understanding is concerned and that you don't use it only because you have heard that you "should". In my experience, if one of you doesn't know where you are going with it, a lot of confusion can result. Unforrtunately no one else can direct you on this and it's something you have to explore for yourself.

    With regard to 'boot camp' again I think this is a very individual thing. I personally don't set much store on following books and plans devised by other people for *their* needs, because your needs and goals are likely to be different. The more successful versions of "boot camp" that I have encountered have always been personally devised by the couple for the purpose of working on and finding ways to deal with areas of difficulty particular to them.

    Rome wasn't built in a day and you won't completely change old habits in 5 minutes of intensity. However, if you work at it dilgently for a few days and do things whether you feel like doing them or not, I do think you can start to change the way that you think and lay some foundations for a new way.

    Keep in mind that it's not about what either of you 'can' or 'can't' do, or making comparisons between how you behave and react in the ideal and 'rarified' atmosphere of a boot camp versus everyday life. but more about planting small roots of change that you can work on in your everyday lives.

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