Sunday, July 5, 2015

Researching DD

We are Eric and Amy.

I am Amy.  Strong, independent "woman" who refuses to grow up and insists on being called "girl".  I have my own home, raise my own children, hold down a full time job and go to school part time.  I make my own decisions; one of them being, my relationship with Eric.

He is Eric.  Strong, independent man who is rock solid in his career, his convictions and his personal value. He lives his own life and makes his own decisions; one of them being, his relationship with me.

We joke about the balance of power.  We met in a work setting where Eric holds the cards.  It wasn't long before we were getting together for coffee, lunch, dinner and then all three.  We clicked; intellectually, physically and in a limitless spirit of adventure.  Our friendship blossomed over a period of two years, one hour at a time.

Eric is my biggest cheerleader.  He knows how hard I work and the demands I place on myself.  He accepts me for who I am and wants to see me excel in everything I choose to take on.  Nothing I do takes away from who he is or what he is about.  There is no need for him to control me or for me to serve him.  There is mutual love and respect between the two of us and neither would have it any other way.  Yet in this dance of life, it is becoming increasingly clear that the balance of power can and should shift when one partner (that would be me) longs for a sense of accountability (to myself) and stress relief.

About three months ago, Eric and I started researching domestic discipline or "DD".  We read countless articles, stories and blogs.  We virtually got to know Clint and Chelsea, explored the therapeutic side of Ms. Aria and became intrigued by Holding 49 Percent. We are not interested in this lifestyle as a means to serve God, boost Eric's ego, or grow a submissive side to me.  Instead, we are exploring the psychological and physiological benefits of a spanking "reset".  Lets face it, men and women handle stress differently.  Men tend to need a physical release while women are desperate for a more emotional letting go; each producing natural pain and stress relieving endorphins.

My plate is too full and over the years, Eric has seen how this piling of responsibility and obligation bottles up inside me like a coke shaken on a hot summer day.  I stop sleeping, eat poorly, quit exercising and push through whatever it is I feel I must achieve. I get frustrated and short tempered, my mind whirling in so many directions I can't shut it off and then my thoughts spiral in such a flurry, I can't slow down enough to move forward.  Eventually, I crash and burn; cry for ten hours, sleep for two days and then, I'm me again.  Silly, happy, productive me.

Eric and I think a form of DD may put an end to the crash and burn by resetting my brain before I get wrapped up in an endless cycle of uncontrolled thoughts.  Our theory is, when I get overwhelmed and am running at 100% with no room to breathe, if Eric were to step in and take me over the edge (OTK, as it were) to 101%, ultimately he would hold me accountable and I could get enough of a release to drop the momentum in my head down to 50%, thus allowing me to stay focused and keep going. We believe when my brain is running a mile a minute, a sharp but loving spanking would force my mind to focus on the pain rather than everything else going on in my head.  Some tears and a little corner time in a quiet peaceful place, followed by the warm embrace of the man I love - a total reset. We've talked about it for months.  We've read about it for weeks.  We've thought about it, at least I have, for years.  Maybe someday, soon, we'll give it a try.

4 comments:

  1. First of all welcome to blogging!

    I'll give you a little ditty about us as my blog has been private for over a year. My husband Barney and I have been practicing or for a greater deal of almost 3 years attempting to practice Dd since fall of 2012. I am a stay at home Mom with 3 teen aged boys, so this can make things a little hairy at times as far as Dd goes.

    I brought Dd to my husband because I needed to unlock me. It wasn't because our marriage was failing. Although being so tight inside at times, I am not sure how happy I would have been or made him in the long run.

    Our version of Dd lies mostly with resets. My husband would have told you 3 years ago I am the strong, independent type. Truth be told as this adventure of ours unfolded he began to see how a majority of that 'strength and independence' was a front. Sure I can handle whatever is thrown at me during the storm, but it always locks a piece of me away. Things build up inside of me, forming little blocks that put a barrier between us no matter how hard I try to keep that from happening. I can relate to the 10 hours of crying and the release that is felt. So please accept the next little bit with a grain of salt.

    At the beginning of ttwd ( this thing we do) all it took was for me to go OTK and the release was there. Some days that is still all it takes. BUT as time went on ttwd has become greater and bigger than I ever thought possible. The need for dominance in more than just the physical sense was required in other areas in order for me to feel my release when OTK. Please don't be shocked, disheartened or stuff it away if you find yourself in this position.

    I would imagine, for you, like many reading blogs before putting Dd into practice, and seeing women doing things you would never consider over and over again getting punished for it would seem not like something that applies to you. Truth is, I believe that they need their release and don't realize and act out. I tell you this spanking release thing is addictive! lol. While 'bratting' hasn't been something we have dealt with per se, I will confess to being the ultimate overachiever in the silent temper tantrum.

    I will also confess that we fought a lot more after starting ttwd than before. It wasn't a bad thing ( well it was at the time, or so it felt). It is just that ttwd can have a way of opening up so many flood gates of emotions, and insecurities in both that it flows out at a rapid pace and neither one knew what to do with it. There were times I didn't even recognize myself. I know Barney had the 'deer in the headlights' look more times than I can count!

    I think the reset based ttwd can actually be more difficult at times. NOT to discourage you, but for Eric it will be more difficult ( or could be) to judge where you are at, as opposed to breaking a 'rule' which is much more concrete to see, especially for a new HOH or whatever term you want to use here. I say this because if you are remotely like me at all, you will start a small boil deep inside before anyone else, perhaps even yourself will recognize you need assistance. Communication from you will be the only thing that will prevent this. I suggest a journal for him to read nightly, even if it seems you have nothing to write about, try. Let him see into you.

    Wow such a long winded comment. All of this to say, what you start out with in your mind is very rarely what you end up with in reality and things will constantly be changing~ needs will. I am not sure you can fully be prepared for it ( much like thinking you know what it is going to be like to become a parent...LOL) but expect the unexpected, and roll with it, best you can. When you can't...BLOG!

    Good luck to both of you! Enjoy your discoveries about yourself and each other. There will be many if you decide to go down this path.

    willie

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  2. Wow,,,, We cannot thank you enough for writing to us. We were so excited to get our first comment on our first blog and - you were wonderful! Thank you for sharing! We feel encouraged and extremely grateful for the heads up. :) (By the way, we have three teenage boys at home as well!)

    I took on a class that is way over my head this summer and it's put so much stress on me, its affecting the entire family. Tomorrow I get a quiz back. Eric and I agreed anything below a certain number of points will result in my first corner time. Each quiz/test, the consequences go up. I guess we both needed something tangible to attach to this idea even though I know I'm just stressed to the max and need someone to take the pressure off. Eric knows it too.

    Anyway, back to the books. Thanks again for writing. Have a wonderful night.

    Amy

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  3. Hi Amy,
    I will piggy back on what Willie has already said. I have an old defunct blog that I haven't seriously written on for some time but my husband and I have been at this for going on 5 years now. I can still remember the beginning stages of DD, all the questions and expectations, the confusion one moment and having it all planned out neat and tidy in my head the next. The reality is that it is ever changing. Most importantly, be prepared for TTWD to open a door to your insides that you did not even know existed. You will find new parts of yourself in this and way more than controlling any sort of external behavior, it will open you and your husband to a much more intimate and vulnerable relationship. You personally will be changed and you will know yourself in a new way...if you will allow it. It's good, I promise...but it's hard and really messy at times. Blogging or journaling of some kind is a great idea b/c it will give you a place to process all of this and hopefully put in your life others who will understand and help you walk through it.

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  4. Hello Susie,
    You are so right. One time and we were amazed at how intimate and vulnerable we both became in this very different connection. Thank you for writing. Amy

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